Group Vs Date

"Have no fear for givin' in

Have no fear for giving over.
You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much,
than never to say what you need to say again.

"Even if your hands are shaking,
And your faith is broken.

Even as the eyes are closin',

Do it with a heart wide open.

"Say what you need to say"

~Say what you need to say - John Mayer

I am the type of person who enjoys group activities. I love being social, hanging out with my friends. If I do not have anything to do - I will throw together an activity, invite my friends and have a smashing good time. I am not afraid to do so! My reasoning -- why should we all just sit at home being bored - when we could all gather together and have a smashing good time doing any random activity that my imagination (or other's) can think of!

Well this weekend - I went on a date. A real - live - breathing "planned ahead (meaning he called me...) - Paired off - Paid for" -- date. and I had an amazingly fabulous time! Yes - I was quite surprised by this fact - only because in previous first dates (of which I have some experience in...) I have had to pull the conversation along - and the date just drug outtt for-ev-er - because they seemed to have no personality. Purhaps I made them nervous - or they couldn't relate - or something - but the fact of the matter is there was a time where I just didn't enjoy them. So I rationalized doing 'group activities' more often. Then I could be with the people I liked -- but with no threat - no dragging - just people being themselves in a 'non-threatening situation'.

Well this one was quite to the contrary - reminding me why I enjoy dates.

For as much as I love hanging out (and I loooove it!) - I like pairing off just as much. There is only so much you can get to know about a person in a group. But one-on-one dates are much more conducive for getting to know a person - who they really are - their hopes, dreams, cares, dislikes - and such. You can see how you interact with each other - really tell if you are compatible or not. You can see if you can hold a conversation without the interaction and distraction of a million other people. You learn about their family- how they truly feel about subjects - if they are kind to others - if they open the door - how they react to the crazy waiter - to the cold food - to the sold-out movie - to the jerk who cut them off - and if they are even into a 'relationship' at all. You can break through the layers, walls, and find out who they really truly are.

Yes - this is what I learned this week.

Fake engagements and other fun weekend activities

In honor of the many weddings and engagements that seem to be occurring around the February holiday season - I thought I would post a story of my own. Hopefully it is as fun as my fellow bloggers and friends!

This weekend my friends (B & L) came down from school. They have been dating for about 4 months now - and in BYU-Idaho time -- practically forever! Recently they have had the oh-so-popular-assumed-question "when are you getting engaged" asked by quite a few different friends. This has increased in the recent weeks since they have crossed quite a few milestones in BYU-Idaho culture (3-month anniversary - semester break- and Valentine's Day). Recently they had purchased the infamous "Wal-mart Ring" (aka - cheap- almost real looking - engagement ring - used by un-engaged/married women to deflect creepy-stalker type men who like to hit on you at work or those who like to play pranks on others). They planned on taking many pictures while in Vegas and then send them to our various friends at school - and theirfriends from home - to feed the rumors! (plus it is just kinda fun - and funny!)

During various times this past weekend - we have taken some such engagement pictures. One such time was at the Las Vegas Temple. It was the happening spot this Sunday evening - with the various tourists and BYU students down for the weekend. Well we got there right before the rush - and so had plenty of time to take the 'fake pictures' - without any on-lookers gawking at the 'exciting moment' - or so we thought...

We had walked around the perimeter of the hlaf of the temple that was accessable spotting various 'prime proposing spots' and were taking a few final picture. Since I have taken one photography class in my life - I decided that I could get the best shot by stepping into the street and kneeling down - of course risking my life by stepping into the potential oncomming traffic (there really wasn't any traffic on bonanza at the time of the evening--- thank goodness!). As B- got down on his knees and pretended to ask the question - and I kneeled and started to focus and fram the picture - an unknown on-looker bursts in and exclaims "IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING?? Are you for real! Oh my gosh!!!! He's proposing!!!!!!!"

Now if this had been the actual event -- she would have ruined - butchering the moment. All romantic qualities would have been lost - and the moment destroyed forever. (although - it would have made a good story - eventually - perhaps even a second proposal) As we burst into a fit of laughter - (because none of us are good at pretending!) she realized how awkward that moment could have been - and that she truly could have ruined the 'hopefully' once in a lifetime experience! She seemed quite embarrassed -- but was able to laugh about it. As we passed her and her friend other various times during our next 30 min. picture excursion we continued to laugh about the almost disaster. Although - with their help we did have many of the other on-lookers - who were on the other sidewalk - believing that they were indeed engaged.

While a fake engagement may seem cruel and weird -- it was alot of fun and made me realize a few things.

1) I think I would like my engagement to be a private - he & I experience - hopefully no onlookers to ruin the moment.
2) I don't know that there is any 'optimal' spot for proposing... just make sure to have a camera around somewhere ---- because pictures are so much fun!
3) Be careful of on-lookers - they might ruin your moment!!! ;D

Thanks to B & L for coming this weekend and keeping me entertained!

Sorry to any roomies, friends and innocent onlookers whose feelings may have been hurt in the entertainment of the weekend.

Weddings Weddings Wedding

I just thought you might like an update on my wedding/engagement count for this year/summer:
2 roomies (maps & Lauren)
1 cousin (Jen)
6 friends engaged or will be (told on good authority..being themselves!) - (Jared, Tracy, Sheldon-will be engaged, Alecia-will be engaged, Stephanie, Nate)
1 friend already married - Heather
*and those are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head... trust me when I started writing this - there was only 3 friends..... ha ha! ;)
*ps... this only takes into account friends married in 2008

So last summer I had 10 good friends get married -- lets go for 11 this year!!

Either I know alot of people -- or it's just that time in my life.... both of which are true statements - I think.

plus I went to BYU-Idaho people! ;D

Smiling ----

Speaking-as-a-third-party-person-with-absolutely-no-outside-interest-in-the-matter

I like Valentine's Day ---- I've never actually been dating someone on it --- in fact I went on my first V-day date only a year ago (interesting story for another time...). But I still like the day overall.

And that is my thought as a third-party-person-with-absoutely-no-outside-interest-in-the-matter....


*Malcolm - have you ever tried to run away in heels?? not that easy --- not that easy*

*cough cough sniff*

I despise being sick. Loathe it --- even if it is just the infamous 'common cold' - coughing, sneezing, blowing my nose -- lost voice -- tired of it!

on the bright side - I got to sleep all morning - and my room is now clean.

And now I'm tired again.......

To be circling or not to be - that is the question

So those of you who follow my recent blogging extravaganza - perhaps have noted my mention of relationship circles. I thought I would take a moment to explain this is a short paragraph.

Since I was 15 I have had this notion in my head that if I can not date them -- I would rather be their friends. 7 years later - still have this notion in varying forms. I am beginning to think that perhaps this is where many of my 'difficulties' come from. In plain words - I make an amazing friend - b/c it is simply easier.
A) You never have to wonder where you stand -
B) You are updated constantly on their life - b/c they can actually communicate with you - they ask your advice, tell you their woes, trust you - b/c you are a friend. and 'true' friends are 'always there' - never need to worry about them hurting you - how could they!?
C) Easy emotional attachment - no strings attached.
And this has been me - in many senses of the word - the "best friend" (well - until they decide to become engaged to someone else - and then I just kinda chop them off at the knees... harsh - but the sad truth - they picked a new best friend. and I won't compete - or be in the middle - nor should I ever!). And for the most part - I am content to play my role. ~note: for the most part

There are about 5 guys in my life that I have 'cut off' and it is usually because they have become engaged - and as afore mentioned - decided to fill my role with a permanent - live-in - best friend. And this is okay -- and the other times they have been cut off --- is because I am tired of circles.........

I would like to report that for the time being- I think the circles have all be broken. We will see if this is truly the case -- or perhaps you can decide for yourself. These are the steps I have taken ---
Moved away. I find this is the best tactic when trying to break a circle. ;) It allows you to sever all ties - and if they don't come to find you --- then they weren't that interested - and you can finally figure out how to heal. But I believe it is one of the easiest. I almost feel like it is 'running away' --- but in the same breath realize how hard it is also.
Another tactic I have used is deleting them from my speed dial --- now to get on speed dial is quite the privilege - and I have a very hard time removing anyone from speed dial privileges - but it must be done. So I did it....
Take a Vow to not email or text first --- this I did successfully for a few weeks -- but when you have a moment of weakness -- you just try try again!
These are quite effective tactics if you have self-control.

The problem I run into is I now have a void --- a deficiency in the 'boy best friend' area. and this is not a vacancy I enjoy. Usually I rush around trying to find a replacement as quickly as I can. It is interesting to me that this time --- I do not know if I want to fill it quite yet...

In other news --- I think I am getting closer to figuring out what I am really looking for