March 27, 2008

little red sports car

Last week I went to my mom's Enrichment -- and it was good times!! I esp loved talking to the 'old ladies' (hee hee) - who all know my mom and so wanted to know all about my new found life at home. Of course I had to indluge them with all the details of my life --- which def. didn't take very long! not to mention showing everyone my "baby pictures" (as one kindly put it) on my phone!

I am so excited about my new "baby" --- she -- b/c of course it is a girl - brings me a sense of freedom that cannot be replaced. In fact I have only had this sensation one other time in my life about two and half years ago (and while I was def. petrified as much as I was excited then also...). I esp love her red color. Now I am not usual a red - kind of person -- but from the moment I saw her - I just knew! it was love! :D I am super excited to go to Utah with her next weekend. Hopefully it is smooth sailing - and there won't be any hiccups - but I guess we will see! and I will try to take a few pictures so I can post them up here!! :D

March 20, 2008

sung to the happy congo line tune

I found swing DANCING
Iiiinn Las VeGAS!
I found swing DAN-CING
Iiin Las VeGas!!

My friend clued me in on these lessons that were happening at another single's ward building -- soo I decided to drive out tonight and see what I could find. Low - and behold - there was dancing - and learning of the dance -- and it was amazing! so exciting - I could hardly stand it. (and I think it showed...) I am just slightly excited......... okay -- I lied I am so excited that I can't even begin to tell you. This is the highlight of my week.

In other news:
I decided after many LAME events happening in my life -- that I am just going to stop trying... because it is easier. Maybe if I don't try to predict everything - I can't be disappointed when I'm right - or wrong. More so being right when my prediction is not the optimal outcome desired.

and now I'm going to go ---- to sleep -- and make sure my dog is not sick -- (she's kinda sulking, I think she misses everyone else who is California w/o me at the beach.....)-- but maybe not in that order...

March 18, 2008

I miss you...and love blue skies

I miss my roommates intensely. I miss random visits at 11pm. I miss dancing every Wed, Friday and any other time I want. I miss being so overwhelmingly busy that I thought my head would fall off. I miss the one-of-a-kind atmosphere. I miss being hit on by "normal" guys at work - my age. (by my age I mean -- not 40+ and super old - and married and weird and creepy...) I miss spontaneous dance parties - and just activities in general. I miss it being normal to plan at the last minute. I miss couch dancing. I miss being sure. I miss emotional roller coasting - with a purpose. I miss holding hands with two at once. I miss clean-flicks. I miss cliff-jumping, four-wheeling. I miss moseying. I miss walking to work. I actually miss snow (only for a second). I miss late night discussions on why life happens the way it does. I miss roommates who just play with your hair - just because - and somehow make everything better. I miss the intensity of barnyard. I miss knowing what comes next. I miss sleepovers. I miss pretending to cheat at barnyard - and taking everyone's cards. I miss country dancing - and swing dancing. I miss my life.

I love feeling the sunshine on my arms through the window. I love laughing. I love happy music. I love dancing in my living room. I love singing at the top of my lungs in the car. I love spring. I love late night talks. I love listening to customers. I love singing with my brush in the mirror. I love Sunday afternoon walks. I love the beeping sound that means I have a message. I love looking at Vegas from the peace of the Temple. I love hiking. I love sitting on the couch as the sun shines in reading a fantastic book. I love playing the piano and releasing. I love watching the Fountains - esp. when it is a song that I know - so I can sing and dance along. I love driving. I love playing games. I love sunflowers and daisies. I love the feeling of accomplishing something hard. I love putting together activities with people I love. I love cooking for others. I love eating ice cream & milk. I love reading a good book that you can just become a part of. I love going to dance performances, musical performances, theatrical events and coming away feeling like I could do it to. I love the turning of the leaves. I love warm rain. I love dancing in the rain. I love road trips. I love writing. I love learning new things. I love purchasing that pair of pants I forgot I had on. I love new socks. I love getting long letters - or short notes. I love giving them also. I love being around people I love. I love picnics. I love listening to pre-made play lists. I love asking questions. I love listening and comprehending. I love the feeling of church. I love feeling motivated and needed. I love my eyes. I love attending sporting events where I know someone playing. I love planning ahead. I love after the rain when the sun shines creating a rainbow. I love just siting and reading in the Gardens while the water and birds create noise to remind me of what is important. I love figuring out how to balance my life. I love mastering a new dance move. I love finding a new song and listening to it over and over again. I love being confident in my skin. I love sharing good things with others. I love a good game of Settlers - barnyard - or any other game. I love cuddling up and watching a good chick flick. I love finding out that there is an automatic save function. I love rising from the ashes. I love watching the sunrise or the sunset and seeing the array of colors spread across the horizon. I love being me - and having that be enough.

March 12, 2008


While listening to the radio one morning - they were talking about the most attractive feature to males. And the most attractive feature is their eyes - or so they claim. I find this interesting because I never really noticed or thought about it.

Since then, as I have been going about my day, I have taken note of the times people are complimented - or I am complimented. The majority of the compliments that are received have to do with the females eyes --- interesting!!

So then I began to think - why?? What is it about eyes that are so attractive? Is it the "window to the soul" theory? Or rather the addition of dark make-up to make them stand-out and sparkle? What makes one girl's eyes more attractive than anther's?

Anyone have any thoughts on the matter?? I would love to hear other's opinions...

March 6, 2008

almost tragic

Have you ever left your phone at home??

I did it today --- and I felt almost naked with out it.

Kinda silly how dependent we are on our electronic devices! Sometimes I can't remember what life was like before the cell phone, laptop computer, ipods, and other such device in my life. What life was like with out the nagging feeling that I had to answer every phone call or text message that flew my way. I wonder if I could ever learn to live without it? interesting thought...

I had another interesting thought as I was looking on my facebook - I realized how long ago last fall (and summer) seems to be - and yet how real, tangent, and close it still is in my emotions and feelings. How hard I work to move past it - and yet how quickly it can be conjured up, quickly rising right to the surface. I know it will never all go away - and it will forever haunt my dreams - but there are some days - I just feel like me again. I suppose though, until that happens frequently - I am just going to keep reading my books. ;)

March 3, 2008

"How does it work?"

*note: anything said here is subject to change at any moment. the views expressed here are not necessarily the views of the writer tomorrow.... probably should not even write them*

SO I deleted it -- I won't publish such thoughts on the Internet.....because it wouldn't be nice - or kind - but I am very disappointed --- I guess that is all that needs to be said.

I wonder why things happen. Where different events fit into life.

Event: An Older lady snatched her ID from me. (I was not doing anything wrong - she just thought it was a security issue to write down her Id info --- which is it actually a security issue if I don't.)
Reminder: I am going to work to not be an old Cranky women when I grow older. By realizing now people (meaning banks and/or bankers or other such service industry people) are not out to get you -- I think I can go far in life!!! I mean my life is hopefully going to be much much more pleasant than that poor lady!

Event: Dating -- in general
Realization: I am finding more and more the 'type' of person I would like to marry --- or maybe more so the 'type' of person I DON'T want to....

Event: Walking to - Watching - and Walking back from Nascar qualifying races.
Realization 1: While walking there I learned alot about attitude - and how it determines the experience.
Realization 2: While the cars race around and around and around the track, I realized how this can be us in life. We are racing against the invisible time line. Trying to fit in every possible activity or experience that we can. We are just racing around in circles on a path we think we should be taking - and just when we think we get to the top of the pack, we get just a little too close to the edge and *WHAM* *BAM* *WHOOSH* it is all over --- just like that- in a matter of seconds. You have wrecked your car and are stopped dead in your tracks. as other cars race past you --- you wonder what went wrong.

Event: Listening to "love song" (by Sara Bareilles) (lyrics found here)
Posted below are a few lines that stuck out to me the most:
"Head under water,
And they tell me to breathe easy for a while.
The breathing gets harder, even I know that."
"I'm gonna need a better reason to write you a love song today"
"I learned the hard way,
That they all say things you want to hear.
My heavy heart sinks deep down under you,
And your twisted words, your help just hurts.
You are not what I thought you were.
Hello to high and dry."
"I'm trying to let you hear me as I am"
"Babe, I’ll walk the seven seas when I believe that there's a reason to,
Write you a love song
Realization: Why would you want to give someone a 'love song' if their heart wasn't in it?? And I guess I have been this girl - as many people can relate with at some point or another. This song is just another reminder to me of what I really want - and how I won't give up "me" to do it.

Event: Teaching my Sunday School Lesson and all the amazing comments and insights.
Realization: The answers to life's hardest question - to finding your way through the darkness -- to dissolving the illusions - are right in front of you! All it takes is a 10 minutes a day - and He will provide the answers. I don't know why - but this is so important to me this week. He gives us everything - and then some -- but Satan just takes it with no reward all our work for naught....

Event: Reading Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis
Realization: This book took me an absurdly long amount of time to read - but it was worth the read. I realized how important it is to keep focus - and how many tricks, devices, and ways they try to fool you with. They are miserable - so why shouldn't we be? they will take virtues and counter-fit them - twisting them to work towards their advantage. And all the while doing this 'the Enemy" (aka God in the book.. since it is from a 'temptor's point of view') is still there fighting just as hard for the salvation of man. But he has the true ways --- not the counter-fit feelings and ideas. While it was not my favorite book to read - it was interesting and I would recommend it to anyone who is interested or thinking about reading it. It is worth your time.

March 1, 2008


oh my ---
I was trying out new layouts last night - and I just noticed that my other bloggers spot --- IS GONE!!!

this is a Tragic moment -- I'll have to fix it later --- maybe add some more on there.... shoot dang!!!

In other news -- I am still alive - kicking - and trying to be a chipper as possible. This week was interesting.

And now I'm sleepy - so you will just have to wait for more information! ask questions - and I will answer! ;)