"How does it work?"

*note: anything said here is subject to change at any moment. the views expressed here are not necessarily the views of the writer tomorrow.... probably should not even write them*


SO I deleted it -- I won't publish such thoughts on the Internet.....because it wouldn't be nice - or kind - but I am very disappointed --- I guess that is all that needs to be said.

I wonder why things happen. Where different events fit into life.

Event: An Older lady snatched her ID from me. (I was not doing anything wrong - she just thought it was a security issue to write down her Id info --- which is it actually a security issue if I don't.)
Reminder: I am going to work to not be an old Cranky women when I grow older. By realizing now people (meaning banks and/or bankers or other such service industry people) are not out to get you -- I think I can go far in life!!! I mean my life is hopefully going to be much much more pleasant than that poor lady!

Event: Dating -- in general
Realization: I am finding more and more the 'type' of person I would like to marry --- or maybe more so the 'type' of person I DON'T want to....

Event: Walking to - Watching - and Walking back from Nascar qualifying races.
Realization 1: While walking there I learned alot about attitude - and how it determines the experience.
Realization 2: While the cars race around and around and around the track, I realized how this can be us in life. We are racing against the invisible time line. Trying to fit in every possible activity or experience that we can. We are just racing around in circles on a path we think we should be taking - and just when we think we get to the top of the pack, we get just a little too close to the edge and *WHAM* *BAM* *WHOOSH* it is all over --- just like that- in a matter of seconds. You have wrecked your car and are stopped dead in your tracks. as other cars race past you --- you wonder what went wrong.

Event: Listening to "love song" (by Sara Bareilles) (lyrics found here)

Posted below are a few lines that stuck out to me the most:

"Head under water,

And they tell me to breathe easy for a while.

The breathing gets harder, even I know that."

"I'm gonna need a better reason to write you a love song today"
"I learned the hard way,
That they all say things you want to hear.
My heavy heart sinks deep down under you,
And your twisted words, your help just hurts.
You are not what I thought you were.
Hello to high and dry."
"I'm trying to let you hear me as I am"
"Babe, I’ll walk the seven seas when I believe that there's a reason to,
Write you a love song
Today"

Realization: Why would you want to give someone a 'love song' if their heart wasn't in it?? And I guess I have been this girl - as many people can relate with at some point or another. This song is just another reminder to me of what I really want - and how I won't give up "me" to do it.

Event: Teaching my Sunday School Lesson and all the amazing comments and insights.
Realization: The answers to life's hardest question - to finding your way through the darkness -- to dissolving the illusions - are right in front of you! All it takes is a 10 minutes a day - and He will provide the answers. I don't know why - but this is so important to me this week. He gives us everything - and then some -- but Satan just takes it with no reward all our work for naught....

Event: Reading Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis
Realization: This book took me an absurdly long amount of time to read - but it was worth the read. I realized how important it is to keep focus - and how many tricks, devices, and ways they try to fool you with. They are miserable - so why shouldn't we be? they will take virtues and counter-fit them - twisting them to work towards their advantage. And all the while doing this 'the Enemy" (aka God in the book.. since it is from a 'temptor's point of view') is still there fighting just as hard for the salvation of man. But he has the true ways --- not the counter-fit feelings and ideas. While it was not my favorite book to read - it was interesting and I would recommend it to anyone who is interested or thinking about reading it. It is worth your time.