studying? who me?! uh huh - couldn't be!

You're waiting for someone to put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away...
...there is always something more you wish he'd say.


So the problem with moving away from Rexburg is that you make new friends.

The problem with making new friends is that everyone has different types of schedules.

The problem with this is some are going to 'Professional School' (Med/Law...etc.) and have to take tests - which means - studying is very high on the time scale and playing very low for a few weeks/months.

Me on the other hand - I have four things my life is filled of -

1. Work - If I do the math the ratio = 9.5/24 = hours I spend at work 5 days a week... (including car time)
2. Church - fhe+church+activities+meetings+lesson prep = aprox. 12hrs a week (on teaching week)
3. Sleep - 6 hours a day... fabulous!
4. Playing - this is what I believe I spend the most time doing (outside of work). If I could get paid to do this -- I would be sooo rich! any chance I get - I will be playing... This is why it is such a tragedy that my friends have to be taking tests --- but good thing I have a few other friends. :) hee hee hee

quotes quotes quotes

Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does.

Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.

James A. Baldwin

I was looking for some more good quotes today - just because I have not found any new ones for a little while. So I thought I would share my favorites with you today. :) I found quote a few of these here and here - good quote websites!

I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.
Bette Davis

Never fight an inanimate object.
P. J. O'Rourke

When love is not madness, it is not love.

Pedro Calderon de la Barca

Love is being stupid together.

Paul Valery

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Steven Wright

Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive.

Mel Brooks

It is not length of life, but depth of life.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Music is moonlight in the gloomy night of life.

Jean Paul

Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

How am I supposed to breath without air?

Every day brings a chance for you to draw in a breath, kick off your shoes, and dance.
Oprah Winfrey, O Magazine, February 2003

I like the hair washing on - just because we were talking about ways to be rejected the other day! My personal favorite: "I'm sorry - I have to rewind my DVD's" hee hee!

Update II

Guess what?!? It's that time again --- time for the wedding/engagement update! now I know all five of you were awaiting this blessed update - and I have not let you down!  Because they are coming in so fast - I am afraid my update might be outdated before I'm done writing this!  (seriously 3 engagements this week!)

update II:

My wedding/engagement count for this year/summer:
3 roomies (Maps*, Lauren*,  Steph)

1 pseudo little sister (Bri*) 

5  Dancers engaged  (Jared & Emily, Alecia, Peter, Alan & Jessica)

1 cousin (Jen*)
10 friends engaged or will be (told on good authority...being themselves!) - Tracy, Nate, Laurie, Mike, Jeremy, Justin, Joseph & Jill, Karalee, Audrey

1 - guy named Jeff whose reception I went to with my friend ;)
8 friend already married - Heather, Sara, Lauren & Cody*, Sheldon & Shae, Christian, Natalie,

TOTAL =  28 People I know and love & 1 person I did not know before

Italics = updated!

* = receptions I am hopefully attending

Isn't it fabulous that more and more friends of mine are taking the big step and committing to someone else - hopefully for eternity!! :D  I can honestly say that I am super excited for them all!!!  Congrats!!! 

"the cockroach"

*Started this entry a few days ago and was inspired by Becca to finish it... if you find this one interest - you should read hers!! her bugg is scary looking!*

I despise bugs. I dislike them so much that I can not even express it with words. Vegas is filled with cockroaches --- millions and millions of them - everywhere. I have a theory that we do not really sit on the grass here in Vegas b/c there are cockroaches everywhere. Honestly - who wants to deal with those creepy bugs crawling on them? NOT I!!!!!! I believe this is why the bug/pest control guys do so well here --- too many cockroaches and black widows - creepy bugs - who wants their child picking up one of those and eating them?? ah! makes me shiver just thinking about it...

Well --- my parents used to use one of those 'bug guys' - but now they have decided that it is much more effective and cheaper to just do it themselves when ever there seems to be a few more alive bugs coming into our home than usual. Well while my sister and Rob were here - apparently Kim found a LIVE SPIDER in my shower -- ahhhhhh! That was it - I decided I was going to clean my bathroom - and then mom was going to spray. Unfortunately I could not clean until my day off on Wed -- sooo I just prayed I would not be the lucky one to find the creepy crawlers.

On Tuesday even I came home from hanging out with some friends. I when I pulled up I noticed that the great room light was still one - meaning my dad was still up. I was super tired so I promptly went in the house - and started getting ready for bed. I went into the bathroom and took out my contacts - and then started to brush my teeth. I was probably in the bathroom for about two minutes or so. I was brushing my teeth very innocently when I glanced up and noticed A HUGE COCKROACH in the reflection of the mirror. I let out a little scream and looked closer. It was crawling up the wall between the medicine cabinet and the mirror. I squealed a little more and finished brushing my teeth in record time. I started getting the heebie-jeebies - and freaking out a little bit. Possibly even doing the "ewwwww--- bug dance".

I raced upstairs to find my dad quietly working on the computer. He looked at my panicked face and asked if that was me screaming - and what was wrong. --- okay ---- if you heard someone screaming downstairs about 11:15pm, don't you run to see if they are okay and what see what the commotion is about? -- I would be running - are you okay - what is going on? very concerned is how I imagine myself. perhaps I think too highly of myself - because my dad did not even move. and when I came up - he just looked at me and casually say - "was that you screaming down stairs??"

Of course it was me! who else would it be! THERE IS A COCKROACH IN MY BATHROOM! Sooo I panted to him -"Dad - come quick - there is a cockroach -in my bathroom.."
Dad's response: "So Kill it."
Me: It's crawling on the WALL" apparently he was missing the urgency and gravity of the situation. There was a cockroach - crawling - on my wall!!! And I needed him - to come KILL it - NOW -- before it crawled on my toothbrush.... (even the thought now gives me the goose bumps).
I pleaded with him - "PPPPPPPLEEEEEEEEASE COME KILL IT. I neeed you too!!!"
Finally he consents - and tells me to go find a shoe. Super daddy to the rescue! came to kill my cockroach. I squirmed and stood far far away from the bathroom. I am a little nervous as to where this creepy crawler came from - and I now have a new toothbrush from the thought of the creepy creature possibly touching mine!!! ekk!

The next morning my mom asked if I was screaming last night --- and then a little later my brother asked the same thing. This made me start to evaluate my family --- honestly - if I really was in trouble - would they just ignore it!? I do not scream every day at 11:30pm -- but it diminished my faith in my family... what am I going to do if I am really in trouble - maybe something a little bit more than the 'mirror cockroach'? will my family just brush it off as nothing? will I be left to fend for myself when the centipede or spider or robber is threatening my life?

Happily Ever After - Someday

I am what you would term a hopeless romantic. I have always dreamed of marrying my best friend - someone who I find myself unable to live without (or something ridiculous like that.). I have had visions of Prince Charming riding up and sweeping me off my feet - saving me from my unknown dragons and making the 'big gesture' since I was a little girl. I love girlie movies, love Disney, love love love them. I don't love crying - but I love the stories and watching the stories and seeing their happily ever afters come true. Who knows what actually happens afterwards - but really do we watch the movies to see the divorce three years later? NO! I watch them because they are happy - they make me feel happy - and life is good!

BUT there was a point recently where I thought my heart had gone a little hard - after some huge disappointments in my life -- I could not see happily ever after - I had no desire to see someone else be happy when my hopes had been chucked to the wind. Perhaps I didn't even want to see the glass half full.

Well - it seems that there are very few of us out there who have 'single-people blogs' as I lovingly term them. Apparently most of my friends who blog are married! (Well - most of my girlfriends from the past are married... go figure!) As a result - I have been reading many - many - many posts about fabulous husbands, children's achievements, family scares, dating/engagement/wedding day stories. I love reading these - I mean I have even gotten a little teary over a few. however - at first I did not want to read them. They were a constant reminder of my disappointment. I think however - perhaps my heart is feeling better.

Here are a few reason:
*Enchanted -
~who doesn't enjoy animated characters coming to life to find their true love's kiss?! with the fabulous dresses and fantastic singing - who wouldn't fall in love?! :)
*Weddings -
~I used to have the sarcastic attitude when it came to attending yet one more wedding - but with many of my close friends now joining another for eternity - I am pretty stoked to go to at least two more this summer! (weird...)
*27 Dresses
~If you have not seen this movie - DO IT! rent it! it is actually quite funny! as chick flicks go! :)
*My best friends
~I have recently been spending an absurd amount of time with a few of my guy friends from the ward - and they are restoring my hope in the previously seemingly useless-heartbreaking male species.
*Blogs
~Surprisingly reading about everyone else's amazing hubbies and families has softened my heart and helped me to realize that there are still a few 'good guys' out there - and they adore their wives and families! They work hard to provide for them - they are not selfish - they are trying - because of my amazing friends who support them till the end. This has helped me to see that life isn't all that bad.

So see --- Happily Ever After is possible -- and if you let yourself make believe - you might even decide you like to be you!! it just might a take a few months! :D

Coffe, Pizza & Eggs

"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around and shouting that he has been robbed.

The fact of the matter is that most putts don't drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is like an old time rail journey...delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed.

The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."
- Gordon B. Hinckley

I "borrowed" this quote from Brandi's blog. This is sums up my life right now. I am just enjoying the ride. So here are some highlights:

*Friday at work - I was helping a non-account holder cash a check. He asked if he could 'borrow' some of my hand sanitizer - I told him he could have it b/c I didn't really want it back! Then I helped him with his transaction - he asked questions about my social life (small talk) I finished his transaction, smiled, and sent him on his merry way to the cash pick-up. I then called over my next customer. While I was chatting for a moment and helping her, he came back and just stood at my station - asking if he could use my hand sanitizer. My customer and I (who are around the same age) kinda looked at each other with that "what the heck" look in our eyes - I shrugged and answered "sure".

Note: - Wamu's in Vegas are a little different - we each have our own "stand-alone" station. There is no teller line w/ the counter in between the teller and the customer. You may be thinking "WHAT? Isn't that dangerous??" - no! This is because I actually have no access to cash - No cash drawer to worry about balancing at night -- it is fabulous! I just do their transaction - give them their receipt with their cash pick-up code - they go to the dispenser - enter their code - and POOF!!! money! :D This is very nice - b/c if you want to rob my store -- DON'T -- you won't get much! :) now back to my story....

After the quick look at each other - I continue to processes her transaction. Inside I was kinda weary of this guy - because anyone who lingers makes me nervous! heck I work in a bank! :) So he stood there in front of my station while I finished her transaction just trying make small talk... I was almost done so I didn't ask him to move - and mentioned to him I would be right with him. Honestly - I thought I had screwed up his transaction. I handed my customer her receipt - told her to have an amazing day - and glanced back to this guy - staring at me - really creepy - well meaning - but kinda creepy. Welllll - he then proceeded to hand me back his receipt with his name - number and "Would you like to get a cup of coffee sometime?" Written on it. You can imagine my relief as my brain was going a million miles a minute when he hands me a slip with writing on it. I have heard numerous stories of tellers being robbed w/the 'note'.... so you can imagine my brief distress - almost panic-making moment AND THEN my relief when I could just say "No, Thank you though!" I couldn't help but smile to myself for my good fortune - even though I was in no way remotely interested in the fellow!

*Sunday after Church - After church on Sunday I returned home famished and starving. I thought my stomach might eat itself - which translates to mean I was happy --- and a little irritable b/c my head and stomach hurt from lack of nutrients. As I walked around my house making my presence known - I quickly realized that it was a little tooo quiet. As I investigated a little more I came to realize my family was not where to be found. They had abandoned me on Fast Sunday -- how rude!!! - What was I going to eat - if not some fantastic 'fast Sunday approved' meal consisting of meat and potatoes? honestly!! I was soo excited - only to have my hopes dashed by silence...

So I called my mom - and she told me to make a tuna sandwich - GROSS -- not a fan of tuna. So I said fine - I'll make a grilled cheese and call it good. I was really feeling betrayed and lost though - because I am so used to fast Sunday dinner cooking in the oven or crock pot - and there was nothing! So I made myself a sandwich and put it on the stove/griddle thing - and my phone started ringing. to my amazement it was my friend calling to invite me to dinner!!! joy! problem solved! Life is amazing!! :D

*After FHE on Monday -
After watching my friends play Volleyball after FHE - I walked out to my car. As I got in - I noticed little white shells on my windshield.

"hummm" - I thought to myself - "that is interesting." So I turned on my car - and this slimy stuff illuminated my front windshield. I got out of my car - looked at the front of my car - and noticed it nicely dripped down the front of my car. "Self" - I thought - "This is weird -- is that --" as I touched the stinky substance. I smelled my finger - and realized that my deduction skills were correct! Someone had smashed eggs on my beautiful a little dusty Kandy Tater. As I walked around examining my car - I found it interesting.

Let me explain where I was parked. I came 45 min. late - (work was ridiculously crazy and mom made dinner soo I was a little late to FHE) - as a result there were very few open parking spots. So I parked in the middle of the back half -- in the middle of a bunch of cars. When I walked into the parking lot i was one of the last 20 or so to leave - and so it was my car and the blue car in front of me - and then relatively no cars around for about 3 stalls on either side. to get to my car from anywhere other than the church - you had to walk more than halfway across the parking lot. Needless to say i found it quite interesting that my car was seemingly the ONLY ONE in the parking lot with the sticky clear egg whites on the hood-windshield and moon roof.

As I was walking around - i noticed a glimmer off of the car in front of me... The poor girl had gotten even more egg whites on her windshield. luckily - that was the only place it was!

As I drove home and washed off mine and her cars - I just marveled at some peoples children. I just do not understand where kids get these ideas --- or why they do them! I feel bad that they had nothing better to do than trapes across the parking lot to smear eggs on two unsuspecting girls who are only doing what they know to be right. Now if I was in a prank war -- that would be a different story -- but I am not -- and neither was she -- so it doesn't make sense!

The bright side is: My car is clean and shiny now! :)

Let's get out of here --- feel the wind against our face!

I though about calling you when I got off the plane
Every time I see this city through the clouds I get that way
Call me crazy for missing you like this but I do
~"Then I Did" Rascal Flatts~

Provo-SLC was fabulous - exactly what I needed to rejuvenate my soul and direction. Thanks to all who contributed to my dress plight --- and I wore both the pinkish one -- and the polka dotted one. It was magical!! I went to one of my best friends wedding reception - and she was beautiful and fun as always! (pink dress) and then changed into the Polka dotted dress - and off Rob and I went to his formal dinner. It was perfect. He was inducted - called - however you want to put it - as an officer for his frat - and then we danced and danced and danced! Loved every second! The night was seemingly perfect...

I stayed with my sister Kim - and that was so fun! Her ward was fun - helping her with projects and papers - Late night talks - or afternoon chats -- Shopping - IHOP trips - just so fun! Kim and I always seem to have just the best of times when we are together. Hard to imagine it was so hard to get along when we were little. :) Guess perhaps I have grown-up a little in some ways... She is fabulous - and one of my very best friends! I am so grateful for sister's who can help put pieces back every time you see them! :D

Rob and I made dinner Monday evening -- while Kim worked -- and I realized how good of a friend he is to me --- something I almost don't deserve. It was fun to just hang out with him and be me -- and have that be enough.

I bought a few fabulous book at the BYU Bookstore --- the 2nd Leven Thumps book (super good thus far!!) and Spiritual Roots of Human Behavior by Covey --- both of which I am excited to sit down and read. I love having time to read books again -- Love it!

Tues. was nice -- besides the SNOW --- (not a fan... not a fan) -- I visited my Aunt Pat, saw Anne and Maps, and had dinner with Aunt Kathy & Joe & Andrew & Jenni & her fiance (&Rob)! It was fabulous! We played games - and had a grand old time! I love my family!!!

AND my car -- we can not forget the amazing little Red Kandy Tater --- she is fabulous!! she didn't die - I didn't die - and we were wind blown - tossed to and fro in the wind - and yet --- we just kept on singing and driving! I love my car!!! :D

Please Help!! :D

*disclaimer: this post is mostly for those who asked to see the outfits! :D

Please indulge me for a moment ---- I'm going to a formal-dinner-thing on Saturday up at the Uof U - and I've been having trouble picking an outfit. Which do you like??

My horoscope for the day -- Very interesting & fitting :D

"Don't shy away from making an impression on people -- it's never bad to speak out."

:D JOY!! permission to speak my mind! what more could I ask for?

UPDATE

update:
my wedding/engagement count for this year/summer:
2 roomies (maps & Lauren)
1 cousin (Jen)
10 friends engaged or will be (told on good authority..being themselves!) - (Jared, Tracy, Sheldon, Alecia-will be engaged, Nate, Christian, girl from my dance team, sarah, natalie, Laurie,)
1 - guy named Jeff whose reception I am going to with my friend ;)
1 friend already married - Heather

little red sports car

Last week I went to my mom's Enrichment -- and it was good times!! I esp loved talking to the 'old ladies' (hee hee) - who all know my mom and so wanted to know all about my new found life at home. Of course I had to indluge them with all the details of my life --- which def. didn't take very long! not to mention showing everyone my "baby pictures" (as one kindly put it) on my phone!

I am so excited about my new "baby" --- she -- b/c of course it is a girl - brings me a sense of freedom that cannot be replaced. In fact I have only had this sensation one other time in my life about two and half years ago (and while I was def. petrified as much as I was excited then also...). I esp love her red color. Now I am not usual a red - kind of person -- but from the moment I saw her - I just knew! it was love! :D I am super excited to go to Utah with her next weekend. Hopefully it is smooth sailing - and there won't be any hiccups - but I guess we will see! and I will try to take a few pictures so I can post them up here!! :D

sung to the happy congo line tune

I found swing DANCING
Iiiinn Las VeGAS!
I found swing DAN-CING
Iiin Las VeGas!!

My friend clued me in on these lessons that were happening at another single's ward building -- soo I decided to drive out tonight and see what I could find. Low - and behold - there was dancing - and learning of the dance -- and it was amazing! so exciting - I could hardly stand it. (and I think it showed...) I am just slightly excited......... okay -- I lied I am so excited that I can't even begin to tell you. This is the highlight of my week.

In other news:
I decided after many LAME events happening in my life -- that I am just going to stop trying... because it is easier. Maybe if I don't try to predict everything - I can't be disappointed when I'm right - or wrong. More so being right when my prediction is not the optimal outcome desired.

and now I'm going to go ---- to sleep -- and make sure my dog is not sick -- (she's kinda sulking, I think she misses everyone else who is California w/o me at the beach.....)-- but maybe not in that order...

I miss you...and love blue skies

I miss my roommates intensely. I miss random visits at 11pm. I miss dancing every Wed, Friday and any other time I want. I miss being so overwhelmingly busy that I thought my head would fall off. I miss the one-of-a-kind atmosphere. I miss being hit on by "normal" guys at work - my age. (by my age I mean -- not 40+ and super old - and married and weird and creepy...) I miss spontaneous dance parties - and just activities in general. I miss it being normal to plan at the last minute. I miss couch dancing. I miss being sure. I miss emotional roller coasting - with a purpose. I miss holding hands with two at once. I miss clean-flicks. I miss cliff-jumping, four-wheeling. I miss moseying. I miss walking to work. I actually miss snow (only for a second). I miss late night discussions on why life happens the way it does. I miss roommates who just play with your hair - just because - and somehow make everything better. I miss the intensity of barnyard. I miss knowing what comes next. I miss sleepovers. I miss pretending to cheat at barnyard - and taking everyone's cards. I miss country dancing - and swing dancing. I miss my life.

I love feeling the sunshine on my arms through the window. I love laughing. I love happy music. I love dancing in my living room. I love singing at the top of my lungs in the car. I love spring. I love late night talks. I love listening to customers. I love singing with my brush in the mirror. I love Sunday afternoon walks. I love the beeping sound that means I have a message. I love looking at Vegas from the peace of the Temple. I love hiking. I love sitting on the couch as the sun shines in reading a fantastic book. I love playing the piano and releasing. I love watching the Fountains - esp. when it is a song that I know - so I can sing and dance along. I love driving. I love playing games. I love sunflowers and daisies. I love the feeling of accomplishing something hard. I love putting together activities with people I love. I love cooking for others. I love eating ice cream & milk. I love reading a good book that you can just become a part of. I love going to dance performances, musical performances, theatrical events and coming away feeling like I could do it to. I love the turning of the leaves. I love warm rain. I love dancing in the rain. I love road trips. I love writing. I love learning new things. I love purchasing that pair of pants I forgot I had on. I love new socks. I love getting long letters - or short notes. I love giving them also. I love being around people I love. I love picnics. I love listening to pre-made play lists. I love asking questions. I love listening and comprehending. I love the feeling of church. I love feeling motivated and needed. I love my eyes. I love attending sporting events where I know someone playing. I love planning ahead. I love after the rain when the sun shines creating a rainbow. I love just siting and reading in the Gardens while the water and birds create noise to remind me of what is important. I love figuring out how to balance my life. I love mastering a new dance move. I love finding a new song and listening to it over and over again. I love being confident in my skin. I love sharing good things with others. I love a good game of Settlers - barnyard - or any other game. I love cuddling up and watching a good chick flick. I love finding out that there is an automatic save function. I love rising from the ashes. I love watching the sunrise or the sunset and seeing the array of colors spread across the horizon. I love being me - and having that be enough.

Poll

While listening to the radio one morning - they were talking about the most attractive feature to males. And the most attractive feature is their eyes - or so they claim. I find this interesting because I never really noticed or thought about it.

Since then, as I have been going about my day, I have taken note of the times people are complimented - or I am complimented. The majority of the compliments that are received have to do with the females eyes --- interesting!!

So then I began to think - why?? What is it about eyes that are so attractive? Is it the "window to the soul" theory? Or rather the addition of dark make-up to make them stand-out and sparkle? What makes one girl's eyes more attractive than anther's?

Anyone have any thoughts on the matter?? I would love to hear other's opinions...

almost tragic

Have you ever left your phone at home??


I did it today --- and I felt almost naked with out it.

Kinda silly how dependent we are on our electronic devices! Sometimes I can't remember what life was like before the cell phone, laptop computer, ipods, and other such device in my life. What life was like with out the nagging feeling that I had to answer every phone call or text message that flew my way. I wonder if I could ever learn to live without it? interesting thought...

I had another interesting thought as I was looking on my facebook - I realized how long ago last fall (and summer) seems to be - and yet how real, tangent, and close it still is in my emotions and feelings. How hard I work to move past it - and yet how quickly it can be conjured up, quickly rising right to the surface. I know it will never all go away - and it will forever haunt my dreams - but there are some days - I just feel like me again. I suppose though, until that happens frequently - I am just going to keep reading my books. ;)

"How does it work?"

*note: anything said here is subject to change at any moment. the views expressed here are not necessarily the views of the writer tomorrow.... probably should not even write them*


SO I deleted it -- I won't publish such thoughts on the Internet.....because it wouldn't be nice - or kind - but I am very disappointed --- I guess that is all that needs to be said.

I wonder why things happen. Where different events fit into life.

Event: An Older lady snatched her ID from me. (I was not doing anything wrong - she just thought it was a security issue to write down her Id info --- which is it actually a security issue if I don't.)
Reminder: I am going to work to not be an old Cranky women when I grow older. By realizing now people (meaning banks and/or bankers or other such service industry people) are not out to get you -- I think I can go far in life!!! I mean my life is hopefully going to be much much more pleasant than that poor lady!

Event: Dating -- in general
Realization: I am finding more and more the 'type' of person I would like to marry --- or maybe more so the 'type' of person I DON'T want to....

Event: Walking to - Watching - and Walking back from Nascar qualifying races.
Realization 1: While walking there I learned alot about attitude - and how it determines the experience.
Realization 2: While the cars race around and around and around the track, I realized how this can be us in life. We are racing against the invisible time line. Trying to fit in every possible activity or experience that we can. We are just racing around in circles on a path we think we should be taking - and just when we think we get to the top of the pack, we get just a little too close to the edge and *WHAM* *BAM* *WHOOSH* it is all over --- just like that- in a matter of seconds. You have wrecked your car and are stopped dead in your tracks. as other cars race past you --- you wonder what went wrong.

Event: Listening to "love song" (by Sara Bareilles) (lyrics found here)

Posted below are a few lines that stuck out to me the most:

"Head under water,

And they tell me to breathe easy for a while.

The breathing gets harder, even I know that."

"I'm gonna need a better reason to write you a love song today"
"I learned the hard way,
That they all say things you want to hear.
My heavy heart sinks deep down under you,
And your twisted words, your help just hurts.
You are not what I thought you were.
Hello to high and dry."
"I'm trying to let you hear me as I am"
"Babe, I’ll walk the seven seas when I believe that there's a reason to,
Write you a love song
Today"

Realization: Why would you want to give someone a 'love song' if their heart wasn't in it?? And I guess I have been this girl - as many people can relate with at some point or another. This song is just another reminder to me of what I really want - and how I won't give up "me" to do it.

Event: Teaching my Sunday School Lesson and all the amazing comments and insights.
Realization: The answers to life's hardest question - to finding your way through the darkness -- to dissolving the illusions - are right in front of you! All it takes is a 10 minutes a day - and He will provide the answers. I don't know why - but this is so important to me this week. He gives us everything - and then some -- but Satan just takes it with no reward all our work for naught....

Event: Reading Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis
Realization: This book took me an absurdly long amount of time to read - but it was worth the read. I realized how important it is to keep focus - and how many tricks, devices, and ways they try to fool you with. They are miserable - so why shouldn't we be? they will take virtues and counter-fit them - twisting them to work towards their advantage. And all the while doing this 'the Enemy" (aka God in the book.. since it is from a 'temptor's point of view') is still there fighting just as hard for the salvation of man. But he has the true ways --- not the counter-fit feelings and ideas. While it was not my favorite book to read - it was interesting and I would recommend it to anyone who is interested or thinking about reading it. It is worth your time.

*gasp*

oh my ---
I was trying out new layouts last night - and I just noticed that my other bloggers spot --- IS GONE!!!

this is a Tragic moment -- I'll have to fix it later --- maybe add some more on there.... shoot dang!!!

In other news -- I am still alive - kicking - and trying to be a chipper as possible. This week was interesting.

And now I'm sleepy - so you will just have to wait for more information! ask questions - and I will answer! ;)

Group Vs Date

"Have no fear for givin' in

Have no fear for giving over.
You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much,
than never to say what you need to say again.

"Even if your hands are shaking,
And your faith is broken.

Even as the eyes are closin',

Do it with a heart wide open.

"Say what you need to say"

~Say what you need to say - John Mayer

I am the type of person who enjoys group activities. I love being social, hanging out with my friends. If I do not have anything to do - I will throw together an activity, invite my friends and have a smashing good time. I am not afraid to do so! My reasoning -- why should we all just sit at home being bored - when we could all gather together and have a smashing good time doing any random activity that my imagination (or other's) can think of!

Well this weekend - I went on a date. A real - live - breathing "planned ahead (meaning he called me...) - Paired off - Paid for" -- date. and I had an amazingly fabulous time! Yes - I was quite surprised by this fact - only because in previous first dates (of which I have some experience in...) I have had to pull the conversation along - and the date just drug outtt for-ev-er - because they seemed to have no personality. Purhaps I made them nervous - or they couldn't relate - or something - but the fact of the matter is there was a time where I just didn't enjoy them. So I rationalized doing 'group activities' more often. Then I could be with the people I liked -- but with no threat - no dragging - just people being themselves in a 'non-threatening situation'.

Well this one was quite to the contrary - reminding me why I enjoy dates.

For as much as I love hanging out (and I loooove it!) - I like pairing off just as much. There is only so much you can get to know about a person in a group. But one-on-one dates are much more conducive for getting to know a person - who they really are - their hopes, dreams, cares, dislikes - and such. You can see how you interact with each other - really tell if you are compatible or not. You can see if you can hold a conversation without the interaction and distraction of a million other people. You learn about their family- how they truly feel about subjects - if they are kind to others - if they open the door - how they react to the crazy waiter - to the cold food - to the sold-out movie - to the jerk who cut them off - and if they are even into a 'relationship' at all. You can break through the layers, walls, and find out who they really truly are.

Yes - this is what I learned this week.

Fake engagements and other fun weekend activities

In honor of the many weddings and engagements that seem to be occurring around the February holiday season - I thought I would post a story of my own. Hopefully it is as fun as my fellow bloggers and friends!

This weekend my friends (B & L) came down from school. They have been dating for about 4 months now - and in BYU-Idaho time -- practically forever! Recently they have had the oh-so-popular-assumed-question "when are you getting engaged" asked by quite a few different friends. This has increased in the recent weeks since they have crossed quite a few milestones in BYU-Idaho culture (3-month anniversary - semester break- and Valentine's Day). Recently they had purchased the infamous "Wal-mart Ring" (aka - cheap- almost real looking - engagement ring - used by un-engaged/married women to deflect creepy-stalker type men who like to hit on you at work or those who like to play pranks on others). They planned on taking many pictures while in Vegas and then send them to our various friends at school - and theirfriends from home - to feed the rumors! (plus it is just kinda fun - and funny!)

During various times this past weekend - we have taken some such engagement pictures. One such time was at the Las Vegas Temple. It was the happening spot this Sunday evening - with the various tourists and BYU students down for the weekend. Well we got there right before the rush - and so had plenty of time to take the 'fake pictures' - without any on-lookers gawking at the 'exciting moment' - or so we thought...

We had walked around the perimeter of the hlaf of the temple that was accessable spotting various 'prime proposing spots' and were taking a few final picture. Since I have taken one photography class in my life - I decided that I could get the best shot by stepping into the street and kneeling down - of course risking my life by stepping into the potential oncomming traffic (there really wasn't any traffic on bonanza at the time of the evening--- thank goodness!). As B- got down on his knees and pretended to ask the question - and I kneeled and started to focus and fram the picture - an unknown on-looker bursts in and exclaims "IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING?? Are you for real! Oh my gosh!!!! He's proposing!!!!!!!"

Now if this had been the actual event -- she would have ruined - butchering the moment. All romantic qualities would have been lost - and the moment destroyed forever. (although - it would have made a good story - eventually - perhaps even a second proposal) As we burst into a fit of laughter - (because none of us are good at pretending!) she realized how awkward that moment could have been - and that she truly could have ruined the 'hopefully' once in a lifetime experience! She seemed quite embarrassed -- but was able to laugh about it. As we passed her and her friend other various times during our next 30 min. picture excursion we continued to laugh about the almost disaster. Although - with their help we did have many of the other on-lookers - who were on the other sidewalk - believing that they were indeed engaged.

While a fake engagement may seem cruel and weird -- it was alot of fun and made me realize a few things.

1) I think I would like my engagement to be a private - he & I experience - hopefully no onlookers to ruin the moment.
2) I don't know that there is any 'optimal' spot for proposing... just make sure to have a camera around somewhere ---- because pictures are so much fun!
3) Be careful of on-lookers - they might ruin your moment!!! ;D

Thanks to B & L for coming this weekend and keeping me entertained!

Sorry to any roomies, friends and innocent onlookers whose feelings may have been hurt in the entertainment of the weekend.

Weddings Weddings Wedding

I just thought you might like an update on my wedding/engagement count for this year/summer:
2 roomies (maps & Lauren)
1 cousin (Jen)
6 friends engaged or will be (told on good authority..being themselves!) - (Jared, Tracy, Sheldon-will be engaged, Alecia-will be engaged, Stephanie, Nate)
1 friend already married - Heather
*and those are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head... trust me when I started writing this - there was only 3 friends..... ha ha! ;)
*ps... this only takes into account friends married in 2008

So last summer I had 10 good friends get married -- lets go for 11 this year!!

Either I know alot of people -- or it's just that time in my life.... both of which are true statements - I think.

plus I went to BYU-Idaho people! ;D

Smiling ----

Speaking-as-a-third-party-person-with-absolutely-no-outside-interest-in-the-matter

I like Valentine's Day ---- I've never actually been dating someone on it --- in fact I went on my first V-day date only a year ago (interesting story for another time...). But I still like the day overall.

And that is my thought as a third-party-person-with-absoutely-no-outside-interest-in-the-matter....


*Malcolm - have you ever tried to run away in heels?? not that easy --- not that easy*

*cough cough sniff*

I despise being sick. Loathe it --- even if it is just the infamous 'common cold' - coughing, sneezing, blowing my nose -- lost voice -- tired of it!

on the bright side - I got to sleep all morning - and my room is now clean.

And now I'm tired again.......

To be circling or not to be - that is the question

So those of you who follow my recent blogging extravaganza - perhaps have noted my mention of relationship circles. I thought I would take a moment to explain this is a short paragraph.

Since I was 15 I have had this notion in my head that if I can not date them -- I would rather be their friends. 7 years later - still have this notion in varying forms. I am beginning to think that perhaps this is where many of my 'difficulties' come from. In plain words - I make an amazing friend - b/c it is simply easier.
A) You never have to wonder where you stand -
B) You are updated constantly on their life - b/c they can actually communicate with you - they ask your advice, tell you their woes, trust you - b/c you are a friend. and 'true' friends are 'always there' - never need to worry about them hurting you - how could they!?
C) Easy emotional attachment - no strings attached.
And this has been me - in many senses of the word - the "best friend" (well - until they decide to become engaged to someone else - and then I just kinda chop them off at the knees... harsh - but the sad truth - they picked a new best friend. and I won't compete - or be in the middle - nor should I ever!). And for the most part - I am content to play my role. ~note: for the most part

There are about 5 guys in my life that I have 'cut off' and it is usually because they have become engaged - and as afore mentioned - decided to fill my role with a permanent - live-in - best friend. And this is okay -- and the other times they have been cut off --- is because I am tired of circles.........

I would like to report that for the time being- I think the circles have all be broken. We will see if this is truly the case -- or perhaps you can decide for yourself. These are the steps I have taken ---
Moved away. I find this is the best tactic when trying to break a circle. ;) It allows you to sever all ties - and if they don't come to find you --- then they weren't that interested - and you can finally figure out how to heal. But I believe it is one of the easiest. I almost feel like it is 'running away' --- but in the same breath realize how hard it is also.
Another tactic I have used is deleting them from my speed dial --- now to get on speed dial is quite the privilege - and I have a very hard time removing anyone from speed dial privileges - but it must be done. So I did it....
Take a Vow to not email or text first --- this I did successfully for a few weeks -- but when you have a moment of weakness -- you just try try again!
These are quite effective tactics if you have self-control.

The problem I run into is I now have a void --- a deficiency in the 'boy best friend' area. and this is not a vacancy I enjoy. Usually I rush around trying to find a replacement as quickly as I can. It is interesting to me that this time --- I do not know if I want to fill it quite yet...

In other news --- I think I am getting closer to figuring out what I am really looking for

Purses & Photos!

I have been looking for a good scripture case (an "Amber"-type case) for so long. I spotted this silver purse (on right) at target a few weeks back when I bought myself a new wallet (also same print as silver - however it is red). I didn't purchase it at the time - b/c I wasn't sure if I really did want it or if it would fit all my stuff. Well since then it has crossed my mind - and so tonight I decided I would go back and see if it was still everything I hoped and dreamed for. I was still a little skeptical but I bought it anways!
Dianna and I also ventured to Wal-mart (while waiting to hear from some of her mission buds) and she and I spotted the patch work purse - and I decided that I would try both and see which one I liked better!! (that was an impulse buy.... and I was surprised.. b/c I don't love wal-mart...)



When I got home - I realized that the heart purse did not fit my scriptures, journal and RS Manual -- so I tried the patchwork purse and *ahhhhhhhh* it was purrrrfect -- except for the huge RS Manual did not fit. I decided that it was okay though - b/c I will have to carry my manual for sunday school anyways - so it was no big deal!

I am so excited! :D and both for under $20! Joy! ;)
Below are a few pictures from my recent trip to Rexburg! ;)

1st picture: Rexburg Temple

2nd picture: My roommie & I outside the front - picture curtesy of the parking usher who: a)was frozen & b)cut off moroni!

3rd picture: View from the parking lot. Look at all the snow!!! (also a view of rexburg in the background)

4th picture: Ashley running back to the car b/c it was 3degrees outside!! but what a beautiful scene the cold makes! ps. note all the snow... foot & half fell the day before!!

motivation, devo talks and such

"I'm tired of being alone...
so hurry up and get here!"

So I find it interesting that I have more desire to write on here --- than to write in my own personal journal (not a good sign). I am not sure why - but for some reason I don't want to write in my journal. perhaps it is because I know I have alot of catching up to do (ie... write about all the craziness of the past 4 months...) or because it isn't happy news what I have to write -- isn't what I wanted to be writing in my journal about --- or maybe I am just lazy. Whatever be the case - I am going to do it - no matter how long it might take me. (and now that I have written it...it is goal - not a wish or a thought.....) I was thinking about just getting a calendar and pasting it in my journal - writing the various things that happened on the specified date on that - but I suppose that would just be cheating.......

Speaking of cheating --- during my lunch break - the rest of the staff loves watching the court tv shows -- me I'd rather read -- but recently I've been sucked in... anyway This show just reaffirmed my belief that people have the craziest sense of entitlement and ideas on what is right. I swear some of the situations are legit for going to court for --- but others, honestly - I don't think it is even worth it!

oh yeah -- and while I am on the subject of entitlement --- if I have one more customer come in and throw their deposit slip at me - or gawf at me for asking for ID - I think I am going to scream! Come on -- it doesn't matter how long you have banked with a bank --- or how old you are --- or anything - we live in Las Vegas --- you need to show your id everywhere -- and if it really is that much of an annoyance... ahhh! *and also -- not everyone knows you! so why people are offended by the ID request - I have yet to understand!!!!!! ** So please - don't make the poor teller, cashier, or sales person cry! Be kind! Show your id! ;)
I was reading at lunch today Pres. Clark's opening Devo Talk. President Clark always gives good devotionals - and usually he tends to be pretty upfront about certain subjects --- however this one didn't really resemble reprimanding or harshness at all. He talks about the Great War in Heaven - and then Temples. I find it interesting how drawn to the Temple everything I do seems to be recently. Devotional talks, Talks on Sunday seemed to be related to Temples - conversations with friends - and attending the temple open house! Reminds me once again - the little things are so important if I want to achieve my goals! ;)

rexburg, circles, triangles, snow, and so much more

I was thinking this weekend that it would be wonderful if my life could be like a musical - where we break into song whenever we can. I think that would be so much fun! So many times I would have a song lyric - and tune - pop in my head in response to what people were saying. It is amazing to realize A) how many songs I do know and B) that they are retained and can be recalled that fast. Plus I think I just like to sing - so why not do it all the time! ;)



I had the chance to go to Rexburg this past weekend (JOY for working at a bank and getting all federal holiday's off... seriously -- what more could you want?). I took off Friday and flew up there. I love that there is a direct flight to Idaho Falls From Las Vegas (Allegiant Air Lines.... nice!) it makes my trip only 2 hours instead of 11 or 5. but I very much dislike just sitting on a plane doing nothing --- and then being an hour late for no obvious apparent reason. That is how it was flying up there and back. Now it is winter - so I forgive them -- but really no wonder there was all that hype around Jet Blue leaving passengers on the plane last year! being stuck in a plane is awful, terrible, and tooo warm!

Rexburg itself was freezing cold (yes it snowed...all day Sunday -- ~ a foot and half at least! but it was so pretty and so fluffy!). The Rexburg Temple Open house was by far the highlight of my experience. It was so beautiful - intricate - and I can not wait to be sealed forever there - I was so amazed. It helped put back into perspective what is truly important in life and how each little piece helps make up a magnificent building - so do the little things to build your life!


Another good part about going was I felt like I am finally getting a little further removed from all the hurt and bitter feelings I have been trying to shake. I also was once again reaffirmed that everything will be okay -- and that is it okay to still care for someone - it is really only natural. and -- joy! I didn't want to chuck anyone out windows! def - a positive step in the right direction. (although I am extremely worried for her now -- I hope she is strong enough when/if it all ends......)

I also loved see my friends! My sisters - not by blood - the fabulous roommies that they are! I love midnight talks that last for hours - afternoon talks while trying to figure out how frozen dough works (ps... have you ever make rolls in muffin tins? This bag had it as one of the three options -- it was really bizarre to me...) I love random dates! (Library - 3rd floor - teacher games (ie. manipulative's...tiddly wink type counters, blocks, tangent type blocks (the mosaic type), instruments and so much more!). Dancing -- amazing --- have to find some place to dance down here -- going to go crazy!!!! Car rides - Card Games - word games (...new word...), laughing , dinner--- and colored lights!

I also saw August Rush --- now this is an amazing movie. I honestly was feeling teary through-out the entire thing. Not that it is emotional - I just felt like I could relate so many times. I think I will be buying it soon.


in other news --- I seem to just go in circles in my relationships - if anyone has any suggestions - feel free to let me know! ;)

Lastly - I realized that I have changed and grown a little more than I realized from this past summer. That is comforting to know that I am maybe coming closer to being able to commit some day --- joy!

ps - pictures coming some day - I just can't find my cord to my camera... *sad day*

I should be sleeping....

Well - I should be sleeping right now - but instead I am reading my friends blogs - and their friends blogs - and I now have too many thoughts running through my head.

Since I last updated the world on my life - I have moved to Vegas. Which has been the best thing I could have done - and the hardest.

There are a few things that I do not like about my recent adventure - thus far- as a whole.
First - would be this seeming need I feel to prove myself. I dislike-strongly the 'introduction' - 'getting to know you' phase of any relationship. Now I know that I have a few different layers (maybe a little more to me than I may show on the surface) but why is it that people seem to be so surprised when they find out information about me? Yes - I am blonde - kinda ditzy - but I do have a brain - and yet another surprise - I like to USE it! Joy! oh wait -- I KNOW how to use it... anyways - I realize that this is an essential part of relationship building and such --- I just wish I knew how to by-pass it. (and it isn't always an awful thing - but really how many times will I have to tell someone where i graduated from - what degree i received - what I am doing now - and have them act shocked!?) --- on the other hand -- I love making new friends and getting to know people, you take the good with the bad.

Second - I am a little frustrated with the 'game' one must play. I do not mind playing - but I feel like I am becoming a little cynical to the whole situation. for example: I find it more interesting to watch other people play the game and make side commentary and predictions - and be right -- than to actually take part in the fight-for-eligible-bachelor's that seems to commence. I guess I have decided that Mr.Right will come - and pay me some attention eventually -- right? ;) As much as I might like to be in control - I can't stand when the guy can't take some initiative --

Third - now why is it that the guys initial go after the amazingly cute - drop dead - gorgeous girls ---- when in the end they don't like them... I mean I love the first few weeks of the semester - just watch some time --- **guys swarm after the cute new flavors- when in reality they just like the vanilla --- but in the mean time - vanilla can't figure out where everyone went - and wonders what was wrong with her - when in reality... there isn't. ** (perhaps that was just a continuation of the previous...)

Fourth- "she's the type of girl I could see myself married too.....but I don't' know if I like her enough to date" --- what does that mean exactly??? can someone explain that one. (now it hasn't been said to me directly - but I've heard it a few times....)

Fifth- (not something we can change... but oh well) I am having a hard time with people thinking I am young.... I know 22 is young --- and I look even younger --- but it's not like I am not doing something with my life ---I've had quite a few experiences - and I thought 19 was young.....

Now a few things I have enjoyed about my new adventure:
First - I enjoy being the 'new-old face' --- I like knowing people - and getting to know more people. as much as I dislike the phase of life I'm in -- I do thrive on it! I am enjoying becoming re-acquainted with my many long-lost friends and meeting new ones. I like watching the interaction and picking who I would like to be around.
Second - I love watching people squirm.... I think that is the cynical side of me --- but it makes me smile to know that people can't just be my friend --- even after two years -- maybe that's a bad thing.... lol
Third - I am loving dinner invitations. It's nice to get away from the parentals once and a while --- but mostly I just enjoy hanging out with different groups. every experience is new and different - and i am learning so much. Plus the cooking skills are fantastic!! I love getting to know the different sides of people - domestic, not, group social or not, healthily or not
Fourth - I love the customers at work -- they are CRAZY!!! someday soon I will create a posting for the many things I learn from them..... a little preview: I am the reason WAMU's stock prices are decreasing..... ;) oh yes -- and I LOVE my job!!! co-workers = fantastic
Fifth - I like doing different things - hanging out with new people - my room (which is unpacked -- finally!!) - going to soccer games to watch my sister play!! (she's awesome....) being around to meet the girls my brother is interested in - helping with Calculus - talking my mom's ear off --- driving with the sunroof open and blasting music w/dianna & britt --- meeting lots of different types of girls - looking at houses...lol well plans... - shopping - movies - driving (new car coming soon!!!!!) FHE, firesides, reading! finally I have time for it all!
Sixth - I love living at home --- it is nice not to wonder if there is anything in the cupboard to make - or who will take you to the store next -- or even if mom will be available. plus my own room -- I mean after being responsible for everything but my cell phone for the past five years --- it's nice to just sit back and worry about other things for a short time. now I won't be here forever - why not enjoy it while I can. although I do miss my own apt quite intensely.......

So in a nutshell -- I do enjoy being home -- don't know if this is where my roots would like to be planted - but I will just have to get used to introducing myself all the time -- and the shock factor that comes with it.... But I do miss Rexburg ---- wow -- I think I'm actually tired..... ;)

Changes --

So I realized I haven't written on here in a while -- no surprise since I haven't written in my Journal in two months either. I find that I don't want to write when hard things are happening - or have happened, because I want people to see the happy side of my life.

Well I'm not going to lie -- Life isn't always peaches and roses -- but there is always something good to be found in it all.

The past few months have been interesting --- and needless to say confusing, emotional, draining, exciting, crazy fun, and so many more different emotions. It is times like these that make you realize how important friends and family are to your-- or at least -- to my existence.

So for this Holiday season I am eternally grateful for:
*Late night talks
*Shoulders to cry on
*Listening ears
*Ridiculous pictures
*Amazing roommates
*Best Friends --
*IF Trips & Papa John's Pizza
*Amazing Guy friends
*Saltine Crackers, Power Aid, Sprite & a lap to lay my head on
*Christmas Lights
*Movies
*Honda CRV's ;)
*Sweatshirts
*Burnt Toast
*"I really will miss you"
*Songs that make you cry
*Songs that make you wanna jump on the couch and dance!!
*Dance parties
*White elephant gifts
*Snow ---
*Snow Forts (or the thought of them...)
*Sisters - both blood and not
*Giant Hugs
*Family
*The Gospel ---
*Texting --- I know I know
*Cute notes
*Communication
*'Hanging - out' -- the good kind :)
*First Dates
*Dates - in general
*Dart gun fights
*Swimming
*Snow Angels
*Flirting
*Crying
*Apologies
*Weddings --- even if it means I don't get the boy.... ;)
*Airplanes & Cheap flights
*The never-ending hope that I seem to have......
*Rexburg

~I hope that Vegas will treat me as well as Rexburg --- Look out! Here I come 2008!

Sunshine & Summer Time

Can I just say that I love the Sunshine. More importantly I love, love - love love love - sitting or walking in the sunshine. Even in the freezing winter months I love walking up the hill and feeling the sunshine poke through the leaves on the trees (which are sadly no longer standing due to the new auditorium construction) on to my face. It reminds me of everything good and happy in my life. Reminds me to be greatfull for each opportunity to feel the sun on my face! I love sitting by the window with the sun coming in and reading - just basking in the warmth. Or even just laying in the grass - trying to make cloud objects.

I think sometimes I get so caught up in life and going to - feeling like I need to be doing something - that I forget to appreciate every day.

Today I walked down to my job interview - WALKED!!! - and it was amazing. I loved it - and I realized why I love this tiny town so much. Without the hustle of the students it is a peaceful place - where I have grown and learned much more than I ever dreamed possible. I walked past the first buildings in town - I am sure of it - and noticed the 'rustic' look - who knew there was a homemade craft store?! I think the buildings even have apartments over them! It struck me that there was so much history in this town that so many of the students just passed right by. So today I took a moment and thought about the stories the walls could tell - and remembered that it is the little things that make the biggest difference.

Life

I have decided --- once again -- that life is very interesting. I am not really sure what to make of it - but I have realized that there must be a higher power at work in my life. I say this not only because it is true - but because of the crazy string of recent events in my life. It seems like everything really does work out - if you are: 1) doing the 'little things' that really make the difference; 2) making the right decision and 3) having a little faith and trust. I have come to the conclusion that this is the pretty much the only reason why things go right in my life.

Recently I have made some decisions that I feel are a step into the right direction. I have worked to align my heart with Heavenly Fathers - and thus far --- it is working out. Now - just because it is working out - does not mean that each decision and action was easy and painless -- but I think that is a large part of growing. Feeling pain - helps us grow -- and brings immense joy also! Without the pain - how could I know the sweet taste of happiness?

I do wonder when the speeding bullet -that is called my life for the past two weeks - is going to slow down -- when the spiritual high is going to come crashing down around me - and when this amazing opportunity is going to blow-up in my face. But at the same time - I truly hope and wish it doesn't. Because --- this could be the best thing in my life.... even if it isn't what I was planning on - or what I said I wanted. Plus -- since when do I get what i want anyways?!?! ;)

Summer time!

I love the signs that summer is finally here. Warm weather - friendly people - and sunshine -- and lots of it! ;)

My favorite thing about summer time is the ability to take long walks and enjoy the warm weather. I love going swimming and bridge jumping, playing sports outside and especially this summer eating lunch outside. I am looking forward to spending more time outside with the youth - and inside making sure their programs here on campus run smoothly.

It is amazing to see how many opportunities come my way because of the people I know. I get to travel to Utah to spend time with my family and a very interesting young man - all because of a friend of mine. I am grateful for the friends I have who seem to help me grow is so many more ways then I can measure.

And while life is great - I still feel like I am in a limbo stage - well I am in a limbo stage right now. I graduated - I have a full-time job - I still live in Rexburg (which is def. not a bad thing!) - I am 21 and not married. I can choose to go anywhere I want after August - and am being pulled towards Utah. The only thing I wonder is why? besides an amazing guy - what is in Utah? And then is it Provo or salt lake? Should I work for Wamu? or work in an entirely new situation!?!? so many options - and so many opportunities - the questions is - which one is the right one?! I think having options is more hassle than it is worth!

But ultimately - I am excited for summer and the fun craziness that comes with it! ;)

VT - unimaginable

Having spent the first 14 years of my life living 7 minutes from VT Campus - I can hardly imagine something of such magnitude occurring in my small home town. I grew up on this campus - with both my parents working there at different times. My childhood memories are in this small town - and my siblings were all born there. I can remember the Hokies Flags, the doughnut shop down town, the HUGE Christmas tree on campus, walking through campus with the multi-colored leaves falling - crunching them as I ran - attending the many school field trips - FFA trips - and hanging out in the Theatre watching the musical presentations of the groups, helping to put colored gels on the lights for my dad to hang, listening to students practicing - and taking clarinet lessons from a student - wondering if I could ever go to the best school in the world and be as amazing as they were. I think of going to school and church - the countless parades down main street - and Stepp'n-out in August. I remember the devastation of finding out I was possibly moving from the place I knew and loved- wondering if I would ever make it back to the best place on earth.

Many of my elementary and middle school friends go to VT now --- and to think someone could come in and opening fire on students there - unimaginable.

My heart goes out to the place I grew - up --- to my friends and their families. To the students who attend there, as well as the families of the students attending VT. To the employees and faculty of the school who put so much time and effort into their jobs. My heart goes out to the President of VT, as well as to the police force and those involved in making the decisions made today. I am sure they had no idea such an event would occur not once but twice in one day. I believe they truly made the best decision they thought for the time.

I pray for healing and trust to be reestablished on a great and beautiful campus. I pray for those who were wounded and for those families they belong to. I pray for the families of the students who fell victim to this tragedy. I pray for the shooter - and for his family. I pray that nothing like that happens on any other campus.

I Love Life!

I love life! This weekend was an amazing weekend - and I am amazed by the spirit that can be felt in any meeting of the church. (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) I am grateful for the many opportunities and blessings that comes into my life.

I was really worried before I left because somehow I acquired 2 contracts for the summer semester. I was stressing about it all week - wondering how I was going to get rid of the contract before next semester - which starts in 2 weeks. After many rounds with the managers - and being told it would be sent to collections if i was unable to find a replacement for my spot or did not pay - said managers sent me an email on Saturday stating a girl had come in to sign a contract - and since I did not pay the deposit - or first rent payment - they would be willing to just have me sign a transfer document and it would all be over!!!!!!!! SOOO amazing and lucky am I!!! honestly - I was really stressing out because to my knowledge it had been canceled weeks before and it is something I will NEVER do again.

And then conference was amazing this weekend. I am so grateful to have inspired men who lead the church. While they spoke about seemingly basic things - I realized how much we need those 'small and simple' reminders. how easily we forget to do the simple things. well - At least I do. I also hope that I can become better than I was before.

The other fabulous part of this weekend included visiting Heather in her "Doll House" --- ;D I think that I would like to move in there this fall!! ;) That was quite a riot of a time! And then seeing Rob - pretty much amazing! This weekend encompassed an amazing balance of fun, learning, spirit, socializing, friendship, and NO HOMEWORK!!! only a sign of what is to come!! yes yes yes!!

Graduation Count Down: 5 days!!

Yesterday in class was fabulous! I really enjoyed the quotes from Steady Upward Course and DPC talk. I think that we have all been prepared for the this time in history - if nothing more than for our capacity to change. I realized what a high capacity we each have! I realized we are each here at this time for an important reason - to create opportunities and help make this crazy world a better place. As graduates from this school we have a responsibility to make ethical decisions, to be able to maintain our core integrity while still being competitive in the rapidly changing world around us.

Thank you to everyone thus far who has helped to create an atmosphere that contributes to this culture we are trying to create!

Capital Finance - Change

Capital Group Mission

• To create opportunities for our clients by helping them through change while maintaining or reducing costs.

Here are the areas we talked about in class today - sorry I am a little slow to post it!

• Technology
• New/update/improved Facilities
• Case Method- new Learning Model
• Increase Capacity - how to Optimize

Please refer to Frank's Post to my Blog from Monday January 29^th for more question ideas

Finance/Capital Sites

Here are a few listing of good websites to learn about Capital/Finance that I have found recently!

www.finance.google.com/finance - good place for information about publicly traded companies.
http://money.cnn.com/ - recent new on finance issues
http://fisher.osu.edu/fin/overview.htm - a web site that has lots of links to other websites about finance!! (very very very good!!)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Finance - wikipedia's def/info page
http://www.fool.com/ - not sure how amazing this one is - but has good info if researching!
http://www.kiplinger.com/ - haven't looked through this site yet - but looks interesting.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capital_(economics) - def. of Capital



This is a small list for now - I''ll add more when I think of them!